A few weeks ago I read an article about a child with a disability who outlived life expectations by a year. The parents loved her and celebrated every special day they had with her. Her quality of life was certainly not typical but she knew more love in her short time on Earth than I’m sure many have.
After reading this beautiful story I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. Most were applauding the love and sharing condolences for the parents’ loss.
But one made me stop.
A young woman commented that she thought these parents shouldn’t have bothered since this child had no chance of a long or quality life. She went on further to say that if she had a child with a disability she would immediately give “it” up for adoption and “just try again.”
That comment, while deplorable, made me think.
I was actually glad she posted the second part of her comment. Not because I agree, but because I truly stopped and thought about it. Knowing what I know now, two years into this journey, would I have walked away from my child and his disability? If I had a crystal ball and could see to the moment that my son would be diagnosed with autism, would I stop the clock right there and say no thanks?
This woman said she would walk away before even knowing what a single day of the challenges feels like. Not knowing the worry, the tears, the fear for the future. And she would have walked away. Two years in, through difficult days, sleepless nights and challenges I was never prepared for, I would chose it all again. Because I see all the beautiful that comes with my son. I see the joy, the silliness, the love. I see how hard we work for accomplishments and I celebrate them like we just landed on the moon.
I appreciate everything, every little thing.
Don’t get me wrong. This journey is hard and there are times I watch other children his age and long for some level of normalcy in our life. I’m human. I’m not ashamed to admit that. But I also have found so much good in this journey. I have found committed members of our society working tirelessly to help children like Gabe. They have become friends, practically family. I have found that you can take something challenging and turn it into something that can truly help others. I have found that I am stronger than I ever knew and so is my little boy. I have found that perfection does not mean happiness but struggles can make happiness stronger.
I don’t know the woman who commented on that article, but I suspect anything said to her would have been pointless. We all have to handle life as it comes to us. But I would caution her with this - you can’t plan or anticipate everything. My child’s disability was not apparent at birth so to walk away would have been walking away from my almost two year old. Life will throw curveballs around your plans. And just when you expect a curveball in comes a slider. That’s life. The best we can do is always be willing to play with our best attitude and do everything in the best interest of those we love.
And find the beauty in it.
It’s there.
I promise.
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