I have been a freelance photographer for many years and after moving to Connecticut with my husband I pursued my photography passion more actively. For years I taught photography, photographed families and events, but upon arriving in Connecticut I decided to expand to weddings.
I love the magic of a wedding day. The love, chaos, tears, laughter. So many emotions bottled into a single day. After Gabriel was born I looked forward to one particular part of every wedding I photographed - the mother/son dance. The first year of Gabe's life I would watch this moment and be flooded with happiness and I would envision dancing with my sweet boy on his wedding day. I loved watching the pride on the mother's face as she held her grown son swaying across the dance floor, not a dry eye around.
After Gabe's diagnosis this moment didn't come to mind until my first wedding of the season. I hadn't even thought about it until the moment was suddenly before me and I froze watching the mother and son embrace for their dance. One thought came to my mind.
Will we dance at your wedding?
This beautiful moment I had grown to love so much since becoming a mother suddenly brought despair and a wave of sadness.
Autism is such a wide spectrum. Gabe's severity ebbs and flows. He loves deeply and is very affectionate, but he does not understand appropriate social behavior. That may change in time, but there is so much more uncertainty about what the future holds with Autism. As I sit here writing this, he is in a social skills class with his ABA team and has been suffering through a 30 minute meltdown about removing his coat. I sit in a nearby room with other parents listening with just udder sadness washing over me.
Who knows? Maybe one day I will stand before my son on his wedding day toasting how proud I am of him for working through his obstacles and so happy that he found someone to share his life with. Maybe I won't. It certainly won't change my love for him.
I still love watching and capturing the mother/son dance at every wedding I attend and photograph. I watch with tears of happiness for the mom holding her son, a little wave of sadness for what may never be, and a bit of hope because just maybe that too will be me and my son some day dancing to a song just for us.
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