"Waiting is hard."
These 3 words came at me from my cousin’s daughter, Charlotte, who is only 6 days younger than Gabe. We live close and thankfully see each other often. Charlotte is involved in gymnastics, loves ice skating and horseback riding. She is a beautiful “typical” 4 year old.
Being only 6 days apart it is hard not to compare the stark differences between Gabe and Charlotte. I see the things Gabe should be enjoying and trying out as a curious 4 year old.
One of the biggest things I notice is Charlotte’s ability to express herself. This is an area where Gabe really struggles. He isn’t able to share his feelings verbally or tell me why he feels a certain way.
Sometimes the honesty of a 4 year old hits me and I think how amazing a young child can sum up exactly how I feel.
Waiting.
Is.
Hard.
Charlotte expressed this to me recently when we were all spending the day together. We had planned to take a walk but Gabe’s anxiety was high and he had a fairly sizable meltdown. Charlotte had her helmet on and was seated high on her bike ready to roll, but we all stood there instead watching Gabe run screaming back to the house. We sat down in the grass giving Gabe time to calm down.
Charlotte played with the rocks and sighed “Waiting is hard.”
My cousin said this was her new saying and we all smiled. Oh the cute things kids say we all agreed.
Of course it was cute the way she said it all exacerbated waiting patiently to take her bike ride. But it is also the exact way I feel about 99% of the time.
Waiting IS hard.
I suspect this is the mantra of the Autism parent community. Milestones missed, words still unspoken, we wait patiently (and sometimes not so patiently) for our children to join the activity, the outing, the game, the conversation…
We wait.
And wait.
And wait.
And it is so hard.
I think as new parents we often take for granted those first steps, first words, first time they throw a ball or ride a bike. Sure we cheer and take photos, proudly sharing the accomplishments, but we never expected that these moments may not ever come.
Imagine waiting for your 1 year old to say his first word. Suddenly he is 2. Still waiting. Then 3, and 4.
Still waiting.
For some this is a stark and difficult reality.
We Autism parents keep going and keep working, never giving up on our children’s potential. Those milestones may come in time. Some may not. We may have to shift our expectations or readjust what success looks like. We never give up hope but we face realities and possible limitations. There is much that is simply unknown.
So we continue to wait, but for what we don’t always know.
And that is the hardest part.
Comments