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Writer's pictureJennifer Sullivan

A Glimpse Down the Rabbit Hole


For those who don’t know, I have always loved the Story of Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass. My sister and I grew up on this book and its message of finding yourself in this crazy world.


Autism oddly reminds me of this classic story. Down the rabbit hole we went and we try to navigate this strange land that challenges who we are and who we are meant to be. Nothing looks the same and I find myself questioning so much. I can’t turn around as nothing behind me looks familiar. I have to move forward and accept this new unfamiliar path.


I have now written several blogs about Autism, about Gabe and myself. I’ve talked about fears, challenges, hopes and the raw realities we face.


But I haven’t given you a glimpse into our daily lives and so I am taking this opportunity to do that. I know many are curious (and curiouser) about what an average day looks like and how we navigate the hours that tick by.


Gabe is currently attending a public elementary school that has a wonderful early learning center/special needs program. In this program Gabe not only gets therapies (speech, OT, PT and one on one support), he gets to be part of an inlclusion class that consists of children who have Autism and those who don’t. He gets gym, library, art and other typical school activities.


Gabe’s mornings, Monday through Friday, are spent at this school and he then returns home at lunchtime. Depending on the day, Gabe has either in home ABA therapy (yes, this is now our extended family as they have been coming to our home almost daily for over 2 years and I’ll talk more about this in a future blog), outside speech therapy and social skills therapy.


In home ABA is 4 times per week, outside speech therapy is 3 times per week and social skills therapy 2 times per week (one is at a children’s gym where we practice participation and appropriate social behaviors). Several days consist of multiple after school therapies.


In between therapies and school I try to schedule play dates and outings to keep some semblance of childhood and let Gabe be a kid because so many days it feels like he is missing that.


I guess you could say our white rabbit is a place of certainty and maybe even "normalcy". We chase it as time seems to play tricks all around us. The land is strange and full of twists and forks. Questions are constant - asked both of me and plenty I ask myself.


“I wonder if I've been changed in the night. Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!” - Alice


And a puzzle it is.


But much like the land Alice encounters, we too have met many new friends along the way. People have come into our lives who have forever changed me and challenged who I am. I have found I am stronger than I ever realized and that while I can’t go back to who I was yesterday, I wouldn’t be who I am today without my son and the road we journey together.


I’ll leave you with this final quote that sums up life with Autism in the words from this favorite classic story:


“My dear, here we must run as fast as we can, just to stay in place. And if you wish to go anywhere you must run twice as fast as that.” (The Red Queen to Alice)

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